Love Languages – Does Your Husband Speak Yours?
Sophie Smith • April 9, 2022 • 5 min read
In 1995, Gary Chapman, an American pastor with a Masters in Anthropology and a Ph.D. in Religious Education, published a book titled “The Five Love Languages”. In this book, Chapman outlines five ways to express and experience love that he calls “love languages“.
These five languages are as follows:
- Gift giving,
- Quality time,
- Words of affirmation,
- Acts of service (devotion), and
- Physical touch.
The theory of the book is simple: we all have a primary “love language” – a way in which we best understand and like to experience love. Be it through touch (hugs, kisses) or words of affirmation (being told “I love you”, “thank you”, “you’re doing a great job”). Once we have identified our primary love language, we can rank the remaining languages by importance; potentially we have a love language that is a very close second, potentially we have one that does not matter to us at all.
By identifying your love languages, you can establish what it is that your husband does on a regular (or less regular) basis that make you feel good or “loved” – be it leaving work early to spend an extra hour with you and the children at home (quality time), or surprising you in the middle of the day with a bunch of flowers (gift giving), or making the bed in the morning instead of leaving it to you (an act of service). Conversely, you can also identify the things he does with loving intentions that do not make you feel good, and either (a) allow them to continue, acknowledging the fact that the loving intentions are there, or (b) encourage him to try other things instead.
Having identified your love languages, the first step should be to communicate these to your husband, and to get him thinking about his. Once he understands the concept of the five love languages, you can actively encourage him everytime he “speaks” to you in yours. Similarly, by identifying your husband’s love languages, you can invest more time in these and less time doing things that may seem very loving to you, but which your husband does not in fact register as “love”.
Of course, that’s the theory. In practice, things are never so simple.
Take me, for example. My primary love language is acts of service, meaning I feel most loved when people do things for me. They don’t have to be big things; lately, I most appreciate it when my husband takes the baby from me for ten minutes, which gives me time to wash my hair or respond to an email without being interrupted. Before I had Oliver, it could have been anything from buying me lunch to meeting me at the train station to offering to carry my bag. As long as it was a deed, something done, not said, I was – I am – happy. In terms of the remaining languages, they are probably ranked from top to bottom: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and gift giving.
Which is all well and good, except that my husband’s primary love languages are words of affirmation and gift giving…
What this means is that in order for my husband to feel loved, I have to do things that feel least like love to me. Telling him I love him is easy, but affirming him, thanking him (often, earnestly) is so contrary to my nature that I almost have to set a reminder on my phone to remember to do it. And for my husband, acts of service is bottom of his list, so in order for me to feel loved, he has to do something that is fundamentally contrary to his nature as well.
Luckily, we’ve had the discussion about love languages; he knows mine and I know his.
This knowledge has, without a doubt, helped me not only to understand my husband better, but to love him more, and more effectively, as a result. So much so that when he brings me a bunch of flowers but neglects to do the washing up, I know he’s loving me in his language and I can be (almost) genuinely grateful instead of wanting to kill him. And when I bring my husband coffee in bed and go thirty minutes out of my way to collect him from work but forget to tell him how wonderful he is, he can remind himself that I’m just loving him in my way and not be tempted to look for affirmation elsewhere.
My advice to all women on the subject of love languages is this: it’s always much easier to change your own behaviour and mindset than it is to change another person’s. As a wise colleague once told me, “In relationships, we can only do our 50%.”
“Not feeling appreciated” is one of the top complaints most women have of their marriage. But only one in four men say they feel actively affirmed by their wives. Or, to put it another way, 75% of men do not feel actively affirmed by their wives. Identifying each other’s love languages is a great place to start in order to rectify the situation. I guarantee you that if you remember to love your husband using his languages, and encourage him to do the same for you, you will both feel more appreciated and affirmed.
If you would like to know more about the five love languages, download our app, or follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@NabtaHealth) for our daily hints and tips on all things woman.
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* Jasmine Collin from [Love Parenting UAE](https://www.loveparentinguae.com/), Nabta Health’s hypnotherapy partner, takes us through her guide to all things Hypnobirthing. * Learn how Hypnobirthing supports natural birth, reducing pain and creating an optimal environment during labour. * Nabta’s aim to empower women to reach their health goals as naturally as possible is very much in line with Jasmine’s approach and the benefits of hypnotherapy in labour. * Book Jasmine’s popular online Hypnobirthing course [here.](https://nabtahealth.com/product/the-love-birthing-hypnobirthing-course/) You may have heard of hypnobirthing due to its increasing popularity with expecting parents and [celebrities such as Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie.](https://www.madeformums.com/pregnancy/celebrity-mums-who-used-hypnotherapy-in-labour/) It’s even been suggested that royal family members, Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle used it to prepare for their births – but what exactly is it and why are so many women turning to Hypnobirthing? **What is Hypnobirthing?** Hypnobirthing is a childbirth preparation method taken as a set of weekly classes either in groups or privately, any time between 20-35 weeks of pregnancy. There are lots of styles of Hypnobirthing available today but they all originate from the Mongan Method, which is over 30 years old. There are also online Hypnobirthing classes available too There are a lot of [misconceptions as to what Hypnobirthing](https://www.loveparentinguae.com/single-post/2019/10/07/why-there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-hypnobirth) is and the type of person who chooses it. Many think it’s just for hippy types wanting a home or [water birth](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/water-birth/) or those seemingly crazy women who want to do it without pain relief, but the truth is, all women can use it to have a calmer more positive birth experience, no matter what birth they choose or what path it takes. **What is the aim of Hypnobirthing?** One of the aims of Hypnobirthing is to support and increase the likelihood of physiological birth with the least amount of chemicals and interventions wherever possible. However if drugs or medical interventions are truly needed it enables the couple to remain calm and make informed evidence based decisions for themselves and their baby. #### **What are the benefits of natural physiological birth?** Studies have shown us that women and babies who have natural physiological births benefit from better health outcomes, adjustment to life outside the womb, emotional satisfaction with the birth experience and being able to cope well with the transition to motherhood. Read more about [physiological birth](http://www.birthtools.org/What-Is-Physiologic-Birth) and its benefits for families and society as a whole. Hypnobirthing promotes births that mirror nature as closely as possible so that babies and families can get off to the best start possible. #### **What if natural birth is not possible?** Unfortunately, natural physiological birth is not always possible in our current birth culture. There are a large number of influencing factors that we can’t control and birth can be quite unpredictable. So it’s important to acknowledge the wide range of birthing styles, combinations of drugs, interventions and different experiences that can happen, so we can fully prepare couples for all eventualities. The great news is that the knowledge and techniques learnt in Hypnobirthing classes are applicable in all situations and in all types of birth. In fact the tools can be even more useful in assisted births like C- sections, epidurals and inductions etc. because they keep the mother and baby calm during potentially more stressful events. #### **Real Hypnobirthing stories** Here are a few birth stories from parents who had all types of birthing experiences and how Hypnobirthing helped them through. [The induction for](https://babyandchild.ae/uae-birth-guide/article/1523/labour-was-more-powerful-and-beautiful-than-i-could-have-imagined) [gestational diabetes](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/gestational-diabetes/) one [The induction and low](https://www.jasminecollin.com/single-post/2019/05/06/Taylors-Birth---A-calm-positive-tale-of-thrombocytopenia-induction-low-fluid-and-more) [amniotic fluid](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/amniotic-fluid/) one [The planned gentle C-section one](https://www.jasminecollin.com/single-post/2017/04/16/Hanis-Birth---A-Family-Centred-Cesarean) [The one with no progress](https://www.jasminecollin.com/single-post/2017/05/04/Charleys-Birth) [The big baby one](https://babyandchild.ae/uae-birth-guide/birth-stories/article/1372/how-hypnobirthing-helped-me-give-birth-to-my-5kg-baby-drug-free) [The unplanned C-section one](https://www.jasminecollin.com/single-post/2015/05/10/10-Healthy-Foods-That-Calm-DeStress) [The VBA2C (Vaginal Birth after 2 C sections) one](https://www.jasminecollin.com/single-post/2017/04/23/Marsels-Birth---A-VBA2C-Story) [The planned vaginal](https://www.jasminecollin.com/single-post/2017/08/13/Phoenix-Willows-Breech-Birth) [breech](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/breech/) one [The unplanned vaginal](https://www.jasminecollin.com/single-post/2017/01/26/Georges-Breech-Birth) [breech](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/breech/) one As you can read in the birth stories, Hypnobirthing can benefit mothers and babies in all situations – but it’s not just them that benefit. Let’s not forget the partners. These days’ partners are not just welcome in the delivery room; they are expected to support the mother during labour and birth. However, without adequate training this can throw them into an environment and situation that they are not adequately prepared for. In Hypnobirthing classes partners gain invaluable knowledge and skills that they can apply in the birthing room to ensure a positive birth experience for the mother, baby and themselves. And the benefits don’t just stop in the birthing room. Lots of couples continue to use the tools for relaxing the mind and body long after the birth is over. Read- [7 surprising reasons to do Hypnobirthing that have nothing to do with birth](http://www.loveparentinguae.com/single-post/2017/08/02/7-Surprising-Reasons-To-Do-Hypnobirthing-Classes-That-Have-Nothing-To-Do-With-Birth) #### **So how does Hypnobirthing work exactly?** **During pregnancy** It empowers couples with the knowledge and belief that women’s bodies are designed to grow and birth their babies and that childbirth is a natural physiological process. It promotes healthy nutrition and physical exercise in pregnancy as being key factors in having a safe and easier birth as well sharing top tips on how to get the baby into the optimal position for birthing. Like any big physical event such as running a marathon or climbing a mountain, it’s not just physical preparation that makes the difference. Yes, physical fitness plays a big part, but a positive mindset and being emotional fit is just as important, and this is where Hypnobirthing comes in. Hypnobirthing de-hypnotises couples from all the negative information and fear that they’ve been conditioned with all their lives and updates their mindset through guided visualisations, affirmations and fear release work, all while they are very deeply relaxed or ‘in hypnosis’. Being in a natural state of hypnosis, promotes deep relaxation and being open to suggestion, so during pregnancy we can give the mind set an upgrade by accessing the sub conscious mind and reprograming it with more positive beliefs, thoughts and feelings about birth. When pregnant woman are calm and feel fully supported, their babies, who are literally swimming in their emotions, also feel the benefits. During classes there is also a focus on pre birth family bonding and this helps couples to adjust to their new roles and embrace early parenthood more easily. #### **Hypnobirthing during labour & birth** When a woman goes into labour with less fear and more understanding of how her body works and what it’s doing at each stage she can accept it more easily and experience it in a more positive way. When she relaxes and welcomes the sensations, rather than fighting them, they can then become easier to manage. Practically speaking Hypnobirthing teaches couples how to maximize the normal physiological birth process by creating the optimal environment for birth. Humans are biologically programmed in the same way that all mammals are and our birth environment needs are very similar. All mammals birth more easily in safe, warm, dark, private, quiet and undisturbed settings where there is no rush and no feeling of being watched or observed. In this ideal setting the perfect and natural combination of birthing hormones can be released and labour can progress. If however there is any sense of a potential threat or disturbance, our fight or flight response can release hormones that will slow or even stop labour. Even a bright light or a cold room is enough to slow down labour. It’s not always possible to control the external environment though, for example when driving to the hospital or in a typical hospital room, where it’s normally bright, busy and rushed, with lots of observation, disturbances and possible fear triggers. Hypnobirthing skills are crucial in these less than optimal settings because they enable the mother to create a calm and resourceful internal mental state. Using her practiced breathing, visualisations, affirmations and hypnosis she can bring her body and mind into a deep state of relaxation as if she were in the ideal environment. The body cannot tell the difference between real and imagined, so she can use this mind-body hack to convince her body that it’s a safe space and a good time to be birthing her baby. The body then continues releasing the perfect cocktail of hormones for a quicker, easier and more natural birth. #### But what about the pain? A birthing mother automatically reduces pain by being calmer and less frightened of the birth, and in calm, safe settings the birthing body naturally produces [endorphins](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/endorphins/), our own natural pain relief, to help us cope with the intense physical sensations. In addition, Hypnobirthing mums can use hypnosis to disrupt and change the way that their brain processes pain signals. They also learn mental coping strategies and physical comfort tools to deal with any discomfort that they feel. All these factors make it less likely that they will need pain relieving drugs or unnecessary interventions and they tend to have more straightforward and quicker labours. Of course if a woman is struggling then there is a selection of pain relieving drugs that the hospital can offer. The aim of Hypnobirthing however is to ensure the couple have a complete toolbox of skills and techniques that they can utilize before getting to that point, so that it can be delayed or avoided all together. But, no matter how a baby is born or whatever interventions or drugs are used, the most important elements for every birthing mother are that: * She feels calm, safe, and supported throughout. * She feels that she did her best and gave it all she had. * She feels treated with dignity and respect. * And she was able to make her own informed choices about her baby, body and birth, every step of the way. These are the key ingredients to a positive birth experience and what Hypnobirthing is all about. Surely every mother and her family deserves this birth experience…not just the hippies. \_\_\_\_\_ Jasmine Collin is a mother of two, a qualified Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner, Childbirth Educator and Doula who specialises in Hypnobirthing and Parenting Originally from the UK she is the longest running teacher in the UAE and has been teaching her award winning ‘Love Birthing’ classes since 2009. She is the co founder of Love Parenting UAE, winner of the 2018 Time Out Kids Award for ‘Special recognition for pre and post natal care’ and is dedicated to helping couples have calmer, more positive births so that they can ‘Love Birthing’ no matter what kind of birth they choose or what path birth takes. For more information contact: [\[email protected\]](/cdn-cgi/l/email-protection) You can book Jasmine’s popular online Hypnobirthing services on the [Nabta Women’s Health Shop.](https://nabtahealth.com/product/the-love-birthing-hypnobirthing-course/) \_\_\_ Nabta is reshaping women’s healthcare. We support women with their personal health journeys, from everyday wellbeing to the uniquely female experiences of fertility, pregnancy, and [](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary)[menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/). You can track your menstrual cycle and get [personalised support by using the Nabta app.](https://nabtahealth.com/our-platform/nabta-app/) Get in [touch](/cdn-cgi/l/email-protection#acd5cdc0c0cdecc2cdced8cdc4c9cdc0d8c482cfc3c1) if you have any questions about this article or any aspect of women’s health. We’re here for you.
The Future of Healthcare is Hybrid Healthcare
‘Hybrid Healthcare’ is the term coined by [Sophie Smith](https://www.linkedin.com/in/sophie-louise-smith/), founder of women’s hybrid health platform [Nabta Health](https://nabtahealth.com/), to define a new model of healthcare where traditional care systems are integrated with digital health solutions to revolutionise the future of global healthcare. In [“Hybrid Healthcare”](https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-3-031-04836-4#about-this-book), the book of the same name recently published by [Springer Nature](https://www.springernature.com/gp), authors Smith and [Dr Mussaad Al-Razouki](https://www.linkedin.com/in/razouki/?originalSubdomain=kw) discuss how established clinical techniques, combined with new-age digital systems, will democratise healthcare, empowering patients and providing a more efficient, accessible and holistic healthcare experience. “The intersection of the traditional healthcare system with new digital technologies will enable the rise of a robust hybrid healthcare ecosystem; one that encourages accountability, efficiency and cost-effectiveness through its three pillars of patient centricity, augmented intelligence, and decentralisation.” #### _Digital and traditional healthcare professionals must adopt a hybrid approach_ Successful hybrid care models recognise that face-to-face, in-person healthcare isn’t going anywhere. The disruption of physician-led traditional care delivery mechanisms can be a win-win for patient and system. The authors argue that the digital health entrepreneurs willing to work alongside traditional clinical pathways stand the best chance of successfully addressing the many healthcare challenges of the 21st century. #### _Hybrid healthcare builds on pandemic sector shake-up_ The concept of hybrid healthcare may seem familiar, even obvious now, as we emerge from several years of the global Covid-19 pandemic. In reality, the concept envisioned by Nabta Health in 2018 was accelerated due to necessity during the Covid-19 pandemic. The healthcare system was forced to adapt at speed, adopting telehealth and remote care models to support patients during lengthy lockdowns. And with shifts in patient expectations, healthcare providers are emerging into a post-pandemic world where they are forced to offer a more patient-centric, patient-led care service. Blended in-person and virtual care. The pandemic has fast-forwarded disruption across the global healthcare sector. The future of healthcare is hybrid healthcare. #### _Embracing the next generation model of hybrid healthcare_ The book [“Hybrid Healthcare”](https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-3-031-04836-4#about-this-book) is a deep dive into the potential of this exciting and rapidly growing sector. It looks at the role for virtual and electronic tools, including digital diagnostics, electronic medical records, and online health marketplaces. It discusses the possibilities for artificial intelligence, blockchain, robotic surgery, and cloud biology. And it introduces existing examples of successful hybrid healthcare solutions. As Smith says, “Hybrid healthcare has the ability to take on the challenges of a rapidly growing, increasingly unhealthy global population by exponentially increasing its base and pace of delivery using the power of digital technologies, data collection, and analytics. “We must work together, digital and traditional, if we are to survive.”
How bed bugs Affect Overall Health and Well-being
Bed bugs which are tiny insects from the genus climex can be found in any household as they can be transferred through clothes, luggage or even public transport. They feed on human blood mostly at night. Their bites can result in a number of health impacts including [skin rashes](https://nabtahealth.com/articles/getting-started-with-nabta-health-your-101-guide-to-skin-and-hair/), psychological effects and [allergic symptoms](https://nabtahealth.com/articles/healthy-eating-for-your-milk-allergic-child/) that can range from mild to serious. A scenario that is replicated in various households grappling with this problem. #### **The health impact of bed bugs** Bed bug bites cause hives and blisters, accompanied by mild to severe itching and burning on the affected area of the skin. A great source of distress and discomfort. Being primarily nocturnal, their bites can cause loss of sleep, fatigue and anxiety. Directly impacting an individual’s productivity, mental state and social life in the long run. Staying awake and concentrating on tasks becomes an uphill task especially for children who come from these households. Scenarios involving people isolating from family and friends due to embarrassment and mental anguish associated with having bed bugs in their homes are common psychosocial effects following bed bug infestation. While they are not known to cause any serious illnesses, secondary [skin infections](https://nabtahealth.com/articles/fungal-infections-in-infants/) may occur largely as a result of scratching the bites and introducing germs to the wound. But with proper monitoring, this can be avoided. Other people have reported varied levels of allergic reactions which can also be handled with proper medical attention. Constant spraying of affected areas with pesticides or incorrect use of pesticides in a bid to get rid of the bed bugs can also pose a potential health risk to the people around. And it’s recommended that proper guidelines be adhered to when exterminating these insects. #### **How AKI is trying to help** Angamiza Kunguni Initiative (AKI) is a female led Non-Profit Organization (NPO) that deals with eradication of bed bugs among the under privileged members of the society. I am the founder and I was inspired to start this project after experiencing first hand the effects of bed bug infestation while studying at the University. These included sleepless nights, allergic skin reactions and poor grades during examinations. With lack of proper information or access to the right pesticides, I strived to find lasting solutions to this menace. So far, AKI has worked with a number of households in which they have carried out fumigation using environmentally friendly pesticides and successfully combated the issue. Stigma is also an issue that arises as bedbug infestation is associated with certain levels of poverty or poor hygiene. A notion that AKI seeks to demystify. In 2019, AKI was nominated for the Zuri awards “Young achiever of the year”. Currently the demand for the services of AKI has far exceeded available resources. For us, the journey has just begun and we are excited about the possibility of reaching more households countrywide. #### **About Winnie** My name is Winnie Mwangi. I am passionate about charity and giving back to the community. Moved by the plight of less privileged members of the society who have been affected by bedbugs, I founded AKI 5years ago. My main aim is seeing a bed bug free society and children scoring better grades in school. A dream I’m hopeful will become a reality someday. ##### How I met Nabta’s CEO Sophie: I signed up as a mentee for the [Cherie Blair Foundation](https://cherieblairfoundation.org/) having done research on foundations that support women in business especially in Africa. I was matched with Sophie in 2019 and she guided me on how to run the Initiative. In March 2020, I was declared redundant at my place of work due to the [Covid-19](https://nabtahealth.com/covid-19-questions-and-answers/) pandemic. I talked to Sophie about my situation and she suggested I join Nabta Health as an intern. I’m currently the head of Nabta Health local presence here in Kenya and I remain grateful to Sophie for all the support, favours and guiding me on the right path. #### **A word from Nabta’s CEO Sophie Smith** I signed up as a mentor for the Cherie Blair Foundation for Women after speaking to Cherie Blair about Nabta and learning about the work she was doing to support women in emerging markets. Winnie and I were matched as mentee/mentor in 2019. Initially, I was advising Winnie on her NPO, the Angamiza Kunguni Initiative (AKI), which was focused on eradicating bed bugs in Kenyan households. Then, when Winnie was made redundant at the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, I suggested that she joined us at Nabta. Winnie is now heading up our local presence in Kenya and has done a fabulous job of improving the visibility and formatting of the content on our platform. I remain extremely grateful for the Cherie Blair Foundation for Women and the opportunity to meet amazing women like Winnie.